As everyone knows, Serena Williams is the most successful female athlete in history, winning 7,632 Tennis championships, but despite her overwhelming success, is being put in the limelight for all the wrong reasons: because she’s a woman who dared to throw a tantrum.
By Antifa Sarcasmian
It was an overcast Thursday in Rockford, Illinois, when Serena Williams began a tennis match against Osaka whats-her-face. There she was, the greatest of all time, nubian skin glistening from the sweat of her determination. Everyone who stood in her presence was in awe of her. Standing 7’2, she towered over virtually everybody in the world, with the except of a white, cishet male referee sitting in his throne of oppression overlooking the tennis match. Why was he even there? Shouldn’t a woman’s tennis match be overseen by a woman? Obvious answer: yes. Reality: no. Serena began the match by winning overwhelmingly before the referee accused Serena’s coach, Coachy McCoachface, of sending her hand signals in order to coach her. In reality, he was just flashing some of the African-American signs of inclusion that Serena taught him as a means of endearment.
Trevor Noah of The Daily Show brought this up when he decided to talk about the sport of tennis. “Why can’t a coach do any coaching?” Noah asked. When he asked this, I literally stood up in front of my television set, and began applauding alone in the dark like some kind of loser. That’s right: if Serena smashed a tennis racket to bits out of pure rage, why is that a penalty? So what if her coach was coaching her? Isn’t that what coaches are for? Because goddamn it, I’ll demand tennis change for Serena Williams. I’ll compare tennis to other sports I understand. Which are none. I think sports are a scheme by the patriarchy to promote toxic masculinity, but if I’m defending Serena Williams, I’ll say anything. I’ll tell the cops I killed a man and buried the body somewhere in the Higginson-Henry Wildlife Management Area. I didn’t, though. Don’t look there.
The point is, I’m outraged at tennis. Fuck tennis. It’s giving trophies to random Jap chicks instead of my beautiful African queen, Serena. So when Serena voiced her opinion on the referee’s decision, and he decided to deduct points from her for one reason only: sexism.
A racist cartoon about the incident. We blurred out the racist parts because they are problematic and it’s 2018.
Y’all think this shit is okay? And they turn Osaka into a white girl, too. The nerve! This cartoon is literally worse than 9/11. Not even kidding. I keep asking when the U.S. government is going to step in and end free speech because this is not even right. And Mark Knight, if I see you out in the streets, I’m going to rap-battle you on the spot, you better bring them bars, son.
Serena’s real crime was standing up for herself and for women. That’s why she was really punished. There are many male athletes in the sports who trash-talk the referees, and say nasty things who aren’t punished, so why Serena? Because she’s a woman, and it’s a man trying to assert dominance over what he considers to be the inferior sex.
I mean, just look at these stats:
If you look, you’ll see that numbers don’t lie: women are penalized way more for “coaching” than men, which is what Serena Williams was accused of before she snapped her tennis racket using pure girl-power force. Now that we can see the numbers firsthand, it is clear that tennis has a bias against its woman competitors, who have to scream at referees just to get some fair representation. In conclusion, I would like to say that we need to burn the sport of tennis to the ground and start a community garden for the people on its ashes.
Breaking news: Apparently, Venus Williams is the sister of Serena Williams.