Beautiful Couple Slain By Autonomous Firearms

disgusting heterosexual couple

Pictured above: Jay Austin and Lauren Geoghegan, a cognitively impaired couple (as indicated by the bicycle helmets) who chose to live their truth are were mercilessly slain.

I am personally outraged that Donald Trump did not do more to prevent this senseless and brutal and horrific and preventable tragedy from occurring in the mountains of Tajikistan.

By Empathy McLackthereov


Tajikistan, Sweden – A young couple decided to go on a bicycle ride across the world for no reason were killed yesterday in a senseless tragedy that can only be described in one word: senseless.

Jay Austin and Lauren Geoghegan, a white-privileged heterosexual couple, decided to travel the world together. They were tired of living under the regime of Donald J. Trump, and wanted to explore the majesty of the globe, and let’s be honest: they wanted to perform some ghost-pepper-hot cis het coitus in every country in the world and at major landmarks.

That adventure came to an end when a van full of men, armed to the teeth with AR-15 assault-style rifles, gunned the couple down for reasons that have yet to be determined. What is known for sure is that the guns involved may have played a major role in the shooting, and that the bullets fired from the guns may have played an even bigger role. What’s clear is: Donald Trump did nothing to prevent this, and like slimy scumbags we are, we’re going to take this horrible tragedy, and use it to advance a political narrative.

gross a heterosexual kiss

Ironically, seconds before the grizzly death, Austin wrote:

Evil… I don’t buy it. Pfft, psh, yeah right… and you say to me: ‘evil’.

Moments later, Trump did nothing as they were gunned down by gunmen with unknown motives, and possibly, just floating autonomous battle-rifles that were incited to violence by Alex Jones. This amazing and beautiful couple was rich, white, and not one of the many people-of-color couples gunned down by random gang-violence on the streets of Chicago or Detroit, and should be celebrated for their love of life, adventure, and humanity. Trump should be condemned by all the world for his amazing ineptitude in failing to stop such a deadly murder.

If our newsroom can react within seconds to call a meeting about how we can spin someone else’s deaths to create a narrative without regard to the feelings their family or friends, then surely the White House has the resources to do better. We all must do better, for our country, for the world, and for humanity.

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